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Stop Being so Hard on Yourself

Nov 15, 2022

Posted by

Maya Bailey

Dr. Maya Bailey, PhD, author of Law of Attraction for Entrepreneurs, integrates 20 years of experience as a psychologist and 12 years as a business coach with her expertise in the Law of Attraction. H Read more

Do you have to be hard on yourself in order to succeed?

When I coach real estate agents in creating their multiple six-figure incomes, I often hear this misconception: "I need to be hard on myself in order to succeed."

When I ask about the origin of this belief, I often receive stories of being conditioned by well-meaning teachers and parents in a controlling and rigid way. Since we learn to treat ourselves we were treated, my clients are just carrying on the legacy because they don't know how else to motivate themselves in order to succeed.

Unfortunately, however, their strategy actually works against them. Studies have shown that when we are hard on ourselves, and beat ourselves up, we actually lower our energy. This leads to decreased motivation and eventually burnout.

So what is the answer?  If you're not going to be hard on yourself, then how do you motivate yourself to succeed?

Fortunately, there is a positive solution. Research indicates that if we choose a positive and encouraging way to get ourselves focused and on track; that this can be a very efficient motivation technique.

Here are some tips on how to change your motivational strategy.

1. Awareness - Start becoming aware of the words you say to yourself every day in order to get up to speed. Do they have a positive or negative tone?

Do they build you up or tear you down?

2. Observe – Observe your energy when you hear these words. Does your energy increase or decrease?  If you have an inner tyrant, do you also have an inner rebel?

3. Intervene - when you become aware of how often and you are being hard on yourself, it's time to intervene.  The best way to break into your own thoughts is to use the “Stop Technique.”

Here's how it goes:

• Say the word “STOP” when negative voices arise in you

• Then take a deep breath to interrupt the pattern

• Finally, put in a positive new thought

What kind of positive new thoughts should you install?

I recommend thoughts of positive self talk, such as:

  • I now motivate myself in a loving and encouraging way

  • I inspire myself with enthusiasm and energy

  • I treat myself with kindness and respect

Create your own phrases of self-talk. They can be as simple as saying to yourself:  “Good job” or “You are on the right track.”

When you start treating yourself with more respect, you will notice your energy level increase.  Use that increased energy to prioritize your day, and implement what you planned.

Remember, you don’t need to work harder; you just need to work smarter.